


A Symphony Of Death

by lizzyunicorn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Fluff bc I need it, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Breaking hearts since 1944 or sooner, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Has a happy ending i promise, Idiots in Love, M/M, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Stucky - Freeform, angst then maybe fluff and love, especially love in the end, i need it, stucky feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 17:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6059194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzyunicorn/pseuds/lizzyunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>››There's more to death than just dying. Death is remembering; death is realizing. You cannot great death like an old friend because death is hard. Dying is easy, but death is hard.‹‹</p><p>When Bucky died he took Steve's heart with him. So when Steve is about to die over 70 years later he is certain that he'll great death like an old friend. But he's wrong.<br/>Bucky didn't die back in 1944 and now that he remembers Steve again, he is not happy at all to see that his true love is about to die.<br/>Bucky makes Steve realize that there is more to death than just dying.<br/>But is Bucky able to save Steve from death?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Symphony Of Death

**Author's Note:**

> Stucky because I need it.  
> The song mentioned is "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" by Scotty Wiseman.  
> It was published in 1945, but I thought it fit those two dorks, so imagine it was published some years earlier in the 30s!  
> (Why don't listen to it once? I promise it's good.)

It’s been over 70 years. One would think that it has been enough time to forget him. But Steve couldn’t. Steve couldn’t forget the love of his life; couldn’t forget Bucky. He couldn’t forget that day his best friend died and he couldn’t forget the way he felt since then. When Bucky had died he had taken his heart with him. His heart had died with Bucky that day on the train.

When Steve woke up after all those years in the ice his first thought had been Bucky. Bucky, Bucky and again Bucky. He hadn’t thought of Peggy, of his friends, of the war. All Steve had thought about had been Bucky.  
But, of course, Bucky was still dead. Bucky had died long ago. And no one had ever come back from death.

The other Avengers didn’t know about his feelings for his dead best friend. Certainly, they had figured out that his one true love was someone he had lost long ago and they tried everything to distract him from his feelings, from his loneliness, from his pain, but nothing helped. Steve could not forget and they could not help.

Natasha and Clint often looked at him with worry – especially Natasha. Steve could see the worry in her eyes so clearly and he could understand her. But understanding didn’t automatically mean changing. He could not change what he was feeling and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He was lost and only Bucky could save him. Bucky, who was dead.

When Steve had first met Peggy again everyone had thought that it was her. But Natasha had shaken her head and looked to the ground. She knew. She knew that it wasn’t Peggy, who Steve loved. She knew that it was someone else. But she didn’t know who it was. And Steve didn’t think about telling her or any of the other Avengers.

The months passed by and Steve’s feelings didn’t change and his loneliness didn’t fade. Steve knew he wasn’t alone, but the loneliness he was feeling had nothing to do with friendship. His loneliness had to do with Bucky’s absence. With the absence of the love of his life.  
And as nothing changed Steve realized that there was no way of healing for him. The only thing he could do was die and greet death as an old friend. Because in death he would meet Bucky again. And in death they could finally be together.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He should have noticed the marksman. He should have noticed him hiding out on one of the roofs. He really should have. But then… Before Bucky had always taken care of them for him. As a marksman himself Bucky had seen them long before him and saved his life. So of course Steve wouldn’t think about a marksman on the roofs. Of course he didn’t.

Steve did not really register what was going on around him, the only thing he noticed and knew was that breathing was really hard. Extremely hard. He could feel blood entering his lungs with every breath and Steve knew that this was it. He fucking knew it. He knew that this was his end, although he never thought that he would die like this.

Yes, Steve had thought about dying. A lot. After Bucky’s death he had thought about dying way too often. But never had he pictured himself dying because he was too careless and didn’t think about a marksman on the roofs. Bucky had been right. He certainly was stupid from time to time.

Bucky…

If he would die now, he would see Bucky again. And his mom. Oh, how much he missed them.

A soft smile appeared on Steve’s lips. He would see Bucky and his mom again. He wasn’t afraid of death. No, he was ready to greet him like an old friend. Like someone he had been waiting to meet again for years. For many, many years.

Steve closed his eyes.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

_“Why are you so weak, Rogers? Momma don’t have any food for you two?”  
David Atroc looked at him with a wicked grin and Steve looked back, not backing down. Certainly, he should, but Steve never did. His mother was always worried about him getting into fights but Steve just couldn’t back down when someone insulted him or his family. _

_He didn’t see the first punch coming. It went straight to his gut and god, did that hurt. Steve curled over but no, he would ››not‹‹ back down. He tried to punch David back, rather unsuccessfully and the other male landed another hit, this time at his face.  
Steve could taste metal in his mouth but he still wouldn’t back down. _

_However, before Steve could try to smack David again or David could hit him again, a male voice interrupted them._  
_Steve looked up and at the boy. He was a boy – not a man. Around his age, maybe one or two years older, but a good bit taller than he was. And he was stunning. He had wonderful brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. He was marvelous. And he seemed angry. Very angry._  
_“Go pick on someone your size”, the boy said and David looked at him, before he smirked and went over to the boy._  
_Steve was sure that the boy would lose to David, but he was wrong. Very wrong. Within seconds had the stranger brought David down and was looking at him from above._  
_“Leave. And next time when you pick on someone, go pick on someone your size”, he growled and David jumped up, looking at Steve with a murderous glance before he ran away._  
_Steve watched David leave and a soft sigh left him, while he cleaned his mouth with his sleeve. He was about to get up, when the boy gave him a hand._  
_“I’m James Buchanan Barnes”, he introduced himself to Steve and Steve nodded._  
_“I’m Steve. Steven Grant Rogers.”_  
_James smiled at him and then put a hand on Steve’s shoulder._  
_“What a jerk”, he said and laughed._  
_Steve looked at him for a second – looked at this marvelous boy – before he nodded and smiled._

 _A few seconds passed and the two boys walked next to each other, before James asked: “Where’s your mamma, Stevie?”_  
_Steve looked at James, surprised by the question and surprised by the new nickname he had gotten._  
_“She’s at work”, he answered honestly and James nodded._  
_“What are you doing here, James?” Steve asked and James grinned at him._  
_He pointed at a building._  
_“You see that building?” James asked and Steve nodded. “My family just moved in there.”_  
_James smiled brightly at Steve and Steve looked at him, unable to say anything._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_“C’mon, Stevie, let me copy your homework”, Bucky whined and Steve sighed.  
“Buck, can’t you do it on your own for once?” he asked and Bucky shook his head with a grin. Steve sighed again. _

_Years had passed since Bucky had saved him that day in the alley and since that day they were inseparable. You barely saw Steve without Bucky and Bucky without Steve. Steve didn’t remember when he had started calling Bucky “Bucky” and not “James” but one day he just did and they both went with it. In fact, Bucky seemed to prefer it over James._

_“C’mon, Stevie”, Bucky begged again and this time Steve gave in, handing Bucky his homework. Usually Bucky did all his homework – except Literature. He didn’t seem to get a grip on the subject and therefore always used Steve to copy it. Not that Steve minded a lot. To be honest, he liked it. He liked that Bucky needed him from time to time and not only he Bucky. As much as Steve liked being around Bucky and always being saved by Bucky when he was involved in some fight, Steve hated that he couldn’t win on his own, that he always needed Bucky.  
Bucky had told him that it didn’t matter but to Steve it did. He didn’t want to be a weakling in front of his best friend. _

_“What ya’re thinkin’ ‘bout?” Bucky suddenly asked and Steve blinked a few times, before he looked at him.  
“Don’t know what you’re talking about, jerk”, he said and Bucky laughed, before he punched Steve jokingly. And Steve felt his heart skip a beat. _

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_It wasn’t like Bucky was his. Because he definitely wasn’t. He definitely had no right to be jealous or angry or whatever he was feeling right now. Bucky was a free man. He was Steve’s best friend and Steve should be happy that Bucky had a date._

_But he couldn’t. Steve could not be happy. He couldn’t be happy about the fact that his best friend was currently out for a walk in the park with Sarah Midfield. He just couldn’t._

_Steve didn’t know why he was this angry. He had no right to be. After all he was Bucky’s best friend. So why did it bother him so much?_

_Steve bit his lip and tried to get his best friend and Sarah Midfield out of his head._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_“See you tomorrow, James!” Sarah said, before she kissed Bucky on his lips and then looked at Steve.  
“Bye, Steve”, she said friendly with a polite smile, before she smiled at Bucky again and left. Bucky looked at her while she walked away, a grin on his lips. _

_When Sarah was out of sight he looked at Steve._  
_“Damn, that girl”, he said with a huge grin and Steve nodded absentmindedly. Bucky put an arm around Steve and walked with him towards Bucky’s home. Since they had become friends Steve spent his days at Bucky’s place till his mother came back home._  
_He didn’t know what was wrong with him but when Sarah had kissed Bucky his stomach has dropped and he felt nauseous._  
_“You alright, pal?” Bucky suddenly asked and Steve nodded._  
_“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine”, he replied and Bucky sighed._  
_“Ya know, we should get ya a girlfriend as well, punk”, he said and Steve looked at him as if Bucky had made a joke._  
_“I’m serious”, Bucky said and for a few seconds Steve and Bucky looked at each other, before they both erupted into laughter._  
_“Sure, Buck, sure”, Steve laughed and Bucky nodded, before he ran a hand through Steve’s hair._  
_“One day, punk, one day”, he said and Steve felt his heart beating faster._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“She wasn’t the right one”, Bucky said and the way he stated it made it sound like he was just ordering something for dinner or paying at the grocery store._  
_“Buck”, Steve said and Bucky looked at him._  
_“What?”_  
_“You said that the last five times as well”, Steve stated and Bucky shrugged with a smile._  
_“Doesn’t matter. The right one’s outta there”, he said and Steve raised an eyebrow._  
_“You sure, jerk?” he asked and Bucky laughed._  
_“110%.”_  
_Steve snorted, before he shook his head and went back to his sketch._

 _A few minutes they both sat in the room in silence, when Bucky interrupted it._  
_“Ya should go on a date, too, Stevie”, he said and Steve looked at him. He? On a date? Steve was certain that he was no one’s target of affection. Maybe his mother’s. And sure, Bucky liked him, but he was sure that there was no girl, who only waited for him to ask him out on a date._  
_“You’re joking, Buck”, he said and Bucky shook his head._  
_“No, for real, punk. Next time we’re going on a double date. Can’t let ya stay alone all ya life”, Bucky replied and Steve raised an eyebrow._  
_“Buck…”, he started but his best friend shook his head._  
_“No, don’t say a thing. I’ll find someone for ya.”_  
_Bucky smiled at Steve and Steve remained silent, again stunned by those beautiful blue eyes and this breath taking smile._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_“Well… It could’ve gone worse”, Bucky said and Steve snorted. Again he had been on a double date with Bucky and again the girl Bucky had asked out for Steve was more interested in Bucky than in him. Not that it was something new to Steve. Girls always only were interested in Bucky and never in him. After all, Bucky was the definition of the perfect man – at least if you asked Steve. Bucky was strong, had a beautiful smile and stunning blue eyes and knew how to talk to women. Steve didn’t. Steve was the complete opposite of Bucky.  
He was weak, had several diseases preventing him from doing a lot of funny things and was no good when it came to women. He was shy, blushed easily and just didn’t know what to say to all those girls._

_“Oh, c’mon, Stevie! Lighten up a bit. It could’ve been worse, ya know that”, Bucky said and Steve said nothing. Of course he knew that it could have been worse. He remembered to good the double date Bucky had taken him to, on which the girl he was supposed to spend time with (her name had been Amanda, Steve remembered) had ignored him the whole time and had ended up kissing some stranger on the toilet. So much about bad dates. Steve knew very well about them._

_Bucky put his arm around Steve like he always did and Steve felt himself relaxing a bit into the embrace. Bucky’s presence always helped him to relax.  
“How ‘bout we go to ya place and wait for ya mom?”, Bucky asked and Steve nodded. Bucky always knew when Steve didn’t want to be alone and when he wanted him to be around. Bucky just knew it all the time. Steve didn’t need to say a thing, Bucky just knew. _

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“Why did I say ››yes‹‹ to this again?” Steve asked and Bucky started laughing._  
_“Because ya know just as much as I do that you need someone to take care of ya”, he stated and Steve blushed the slightest bit – enough to feel it but not enough for Bucky to notice._  
_It had been a week since Steve’s mother had died and since he had moved into Bucky’s place. He was grateful for being able to live with Bucky and his family, although he felt like he was intruding all the time. This wasn’t his family. This was Bucky’s._  
_Bucky’s parents and especially Bucky did everything so Steve felt at home, but the feeling remained. It wasn’t weird being around Bucky 24/7, after all they spent just as much time before. Steve just felt uneasy. He didn’t want to be a burden to Bucky’s family and he thought he was. Just like Bucky said: He needed someone to take care of him. He didn’t want to, but he did._  
_“Don’t say that, jerk”, Steve said and Bucky laughed, before he ran a hand through Steve’s hair and said: “Don’t be such a punk, Stevie.”_  
_Steve looked at Bucky silently while Bucky smiled at him._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_Steve desperately tried to calm down, but he couldn’t. He had tried for the last half hour and he just couldn’t. Bucky’s mother had come into room once, but when she saw that Steve was crying she turned around and closed the door silently behind her. She knew that Steve didn’t want anyone to know how he was feeling, so she acted as if it never happened._

_Bucky had gone out with a girl around an hour ago and Steve was fine until he suddenly lost it and started hyperventilating. He had tried to calm down for 30 long minutes but nothing had worked. Steve was glad that Bucky’s mom didn’t ask questions, because he didn’t know how to answer them. The only person, who had ever seen him like this, was Bucky. And Bucky had been the only one able to calm him down._

_Steve sobbed uncontrollably and gasped for air and did not hear that Bucky was home again. How should he? Usually Bucky’s date took longer, not only an hour. And his sobbing prevented him from hearing the front door being opened.  
Steve didn’t even register that Bucky had entered the room until his best friend knelt down in front of him silently. _

_“Ya’re okay, buddy?” Bucky asked and Steve shook his head, trying to steady his breath._  
_Bucky nodded and pulled him into a hug._  
_“It’s fine, buddy. It’s alright, Stevie. Let it out. It’s fine”, Bucky whispered soothingly, while running a hand up and down Steve’s back._  
_Steve sobbed and Bucky continued whispering reassuring words._

_It took Bucky nearly 15 minutes to calm Steve down again and when he did, he looked at Steve seriously and asked: “Ya’re okay, buddy?” and Steve nodded, just nodded and Bucky pulled him back into a hug.  
“I’m here, Stevie. I’m here.” _

_Bucky didn’t know how much that meant to Steve._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“I still can’t get over it that ya’re just as tall as I am now”, Bucky said and Steve laughed softly._  
_“Well, miracles happen”, he said and winked at Bucky, who just laughed._  
_“Ya’re looking good in that uniform, Stevie. Keep it”, Bucky stated and Steve felt his cheek heating up a bit, though he was certain that Bucky didn’t notice._  
_“Thanks, Buck”, he replied and Bucky smiled._

 _It had been a long time since they had been able to talk like this. After Bucky had left and Steve had been turned into the person he was now, they hadn’t had a chance to speak to each other. It had taken Bucky to be captured and Steve to free him to bring them back together again. Although they had spent so much time apart nothing had changed. Bucky was still Bucky, maybe with a sign of what he had seen and what had happened in his eyes, but he still was Bucky. He was still Steve’s Bucky. And Steve was still Steve. Maybe taller and stronger, but still Steve.  
They still were best friends and Steve still felt his heart skip a beat at that smile of Bucky. Certainly, he had flirted with Agent Carter and he found her stunning, but it didn’t feel right. Steve wasn’t certain about what he was feeling for his best friend, but he knew that Bucky made everything seem easier and the world a lot better than it was. There was something about Bucky that just struck him like lightening over and over_ again.

_“Glad to have you back here, Buck”, Steve said and he really meant it. He really had missed Bucky. Missed him like no one else.  
“Glad to see ya again, too, punk”, Bucky said and both started laughing. _

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

_Steve couldn’t remember how much he had drunken; all he knew was that Bucky was gone. Bucky was gone and had left this loneliness and heartache in him that no liquor seemed to stop._

_Steve knew that he could drink a hell lot more than everyone else but that didn’t change the fact that he still was trying to get drunk in order to forget his best friend’s death._

_Bucky was dead._

_Steve still didn’t want to believe it. He had been certain that if one of them would die, it was him, not Bucky. Bucky had always been everything he hadn’t been. Bucky should be alive right now and not he. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all._

_Steve took another sip from the glass, trying to think about how many bottles he had already emptied._

_Bucky was dead. His best friend since childhood was gone and he was here all alone and didn’t know what to do. He needed Bucky. All his life Steve had needed Bucky and he still did now. He couldn’t live without Bucky. Bucky was his whole life. How was he supposed to survive without his best friend? Without the person, who cared for him all his life? How was he supposed to continue living right now?_  
_When Bucky had fallen, Steve had felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest. He couldn’t save Bucky and he could feel the emptiness inside him._  
_Bucky had been everything Steve had needed in life. Bucky had been his life. So how could he just die so easily, leaving Steve behind and still alive? Steve didn’t understand it. He just couldn’t._  
_All he knew was that Bucky was gone and he felt this indescribable ache in his chest._  
_Steve wanted to forget. He wanted to forget his own name, Bucky, the war, everything. He wanted to forget. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream Bucky’s name all over and over again at the moon and ask god why he had taken Bucky from him. And how much he wanted to die. He wanted to die so badly. He wanted to die and see Bucky at the other side again. How much he would give to see Bucky again. How much he would do to have Bucky again._

_Again, Steve took a sip from his glass and it was then when he realized what was wrong with him. It was then when he realized why Bucky had made his world so much better, so much easier and filled with so much color. It was then when he realized why he felt this horrid pain inside his chest._

_He was in love with Bucky._

_He was in love with Bucky and there was no denying in it. He was in love with his best friend._

_And when Steve realized this, the tears he had been waiting for so long, finally started running down his cheeks._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“It’s not your fault and you know that, Steve”, Peggy said and Steve looked at her, surprised to find out that she knew about what he was thinking._  
_“I don’t -”, he started but Peggy interrupted him._  
_“Don’t even start. I know that you were thinking about Bucky, Steve. I know it’s hard, but you have to get over it”, she said and Steve remained silent._

_How could she know what it felt like? How could she know what it was like having lost the love of your life? How could she know how it felt?_

_“Steve…”_  
_He looked at Peggy again and he could see that she was worried._  
_“I know you loved him. I loved him, too. But that won’t bring him back. You have to move on. Be grateful for the time you had together, but you have to move on.”_  
_Steve said nothing but nodded._

_She would never understand and she would never know._

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“What are you drawing?” Nat asked and Steve looked up from his sketch and at her._  
_She looked at him with something you could call a smile and Steve smiled back._  
_“Nothing in particular.”_

_It was a lie. He was drawing him. He always was drawing him. Whenever Steve sketched he always was drawing him. It was as if his hands worked on their own accord. And they always drew Bucky. Over and over again.  
Nat eyed him for a second with concern, before she nodded and left. Steve sighed silently and looked at his drawing. He swallowed. _

_“Bucky…”_

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

 _“Why don’t you go and ask her out?” Nat asked and Steve raised an eyebrow._  
_“Is there a specific reason why you want me to go and ask her out?” he asked and Nat sighed._  
_“Oh, c’mon, Rogers. It’s been over 70 years since you had a date. You need to find someone”, she said and Steve said nothing._

_“I’m fine”, he finally said and stood up. He looked at Nat for a moment, before he turned around and left._

_He wasn’t fine, but no one could heal him. No one but Bucky. And Bucky was gone._

_x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x_

“Steve!”  
Bucky screamed his name and ran towards his best friend – the person he lost so long ago. Bucky didn’t remember how long he had searched for Steve. How long he had searched for the person he had left behind so long ago.  
When he woke up in this century, he had had no memory of Steve. He had had no memory of his former life. But when he first heard and then saw Captain America everything came back to him. Everything he had been through. Everything they had experienced.  
All his memories had come back to him and he had started to search for Steve. For Steve, the person he had missed so much.  
The only thing Bucky remembered after he had awoken was this ache in his heart and this feeling of missing something; something important. He hadn’t known what it was till he had seen Captain America.  
He then had known what it was. It was Steve. He was missing Steve. And not only did he know that he was missing his best friend. No, he knew that he was not only missing his best friend, but the love of his life.  
Steve was his everything. His sun, his moon, his sky, his stars. Steve was his life. The small guy from Brooklyn, he was his true love. Bucky had known that Steve was special the day he first met him, although he hadn’t known that he would end up as the love of his life.  
And Bucky knew he was in love with Steve when he first went out with Sarah and didn’t feel anything for her. Not the slightest bit.  
He had known it when he saw Steve again and he felt whole again. He had known it, but he couldn’t find the courage to tell Steve. After all, he was Steve’s best friend. Steve probably would have freaked out, telling him to stay away from him and that he never wanted to see him again. And Bucky hadn’t wanted this. He didn’t want to lose Steve, even if it meant to only be friends with him and act like he was in love with some girls. He had to admit, he only had done it to make Steve jealous, but his best friend always seemed indifferent. And whenever Bucky went on double dates with Steve, he only did it to spend time with Steve and because he didn’t want to let the girl down. He did everything for Steve.  
Steve, the little guy from Brooklyn. Bucky was madly in love with him and he wanted to find him again. To have him back in his arms. To have him back.

When Bucky had found him today – here at this battlefield – he had been so happy. But when he had seen Steve his heart had stopped beating for a second. Steve looked so sad, so hurt, so small and so lost. He didn’t look like Steve at all. Of course it was still Steve, who fought alongside the other Avengers, but his eyes were so different. The shining blue eyes had lost their spark and seemed dull and empty. It had broken Bucky’s heart to see Steve like this. To see the love of his life like this.

Bucky had watched them fighting, staying in the shadow. He had been afraid. What if Steve didn’t recognize him? What if he couldn’t remember him? However, when he had seen someone moving high up in the distance, Bucky had become careful and had scanned the surroundings. And then he found him. The marksman. High up on a roof, aiming down at the Avengers. And not only that. Aiming at Steve. His Steve.  
Bucky had left the shadows, but before he could scream Steve’s name and tell him to watch out the bullet had already hit him.  
For a second Bucky could only see Steve stopping in his motion, before looking down at himself and then slowly falling to the ground.

And Bucky thought, that if Steve loved him like he loved him, then this was exactly how Steve must have felt when he fell from that train back in 1944.  
Bucky had thought his heart was getting ripped out from his chest after it was smashed into tiny little pieces – so small that no one could put them back together again. And then he ran. Ran towards the love of his life, hoping that he could save him, that he could prevent death from taking Steve from him.

Bucky reached Steve shortly before the other Avengers reached him.  
“STEVE!” Bucky screamed and he fell down to his knees, pulling Steve close to him.  
“God dammit, Steve! Open your eyes! Fuck, Stevie. Please”, Bucky muttered and he looked down on his best friend since childhood, feeling his eyes watering up.  
“Steve. You punk. Open your eyes. God dammit, STEVE! Open your fucking eyes and tell me you’re alright! STEVE!”  
Bucky screamed his name and felt the first tear running down his cheek, but Steve didn’t open his eyes. Bucky could barely hold back the sob rising in his throat and he pulled Steve closer. He couldn’t be dead. No. Steve couldn’t be dead.  
A hand on his shoulder let Bucky look up and he saw a woman with short red hair, looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.  
For a second he looked at her, before he looked at Steve again.  
“Stevie, please. Open your eyes, Stevie. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I need you, Stevie. I need you. Don’t leave me alone.”  
A tear dropped down on Steve’s cheek and Bucky closed his eyes in hurt. This couldn’t be real. No. Steve couldn’t be dead. That was not possible. Steve was Captain America. He couldn’t just die.

_“STEVE!”_

_x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x_

Steve felt a teardrop on his cheek but he couldn’t open his eyes. He didn’t want to. He wanted to die and see Bucky again. It was his only wish. To see Bucky again.  
Someone was repeatedly telling him to open his eyes and screamed his name, but Steve couldn’t figure out who it was.

He felt strong arms around him, holding him close. And he remembered. They reminded him of Bucky’s.  
Bucky…

A nickname he hadn’t heard since 1944 rang in his ears and he was confused. Who called him Stevie? No one except for his mom, Bucky’s mom and Bucky had called him Stevie. And the Avengers didn’t know about that nickname. So who was calling him?  
Was he already dead and Bucky and his mother were calling his name, telling him to come to the other side?  
Steve was pretty sure that this was the case, however, the arms holding him felt so real – way too real to imagine them.

Again someone was calling out his name, telling him to open his eyes – begging him to stay. That voice sounded familiar. So familiar. It reminded Steve of Bucky. Steve tried to open his eyes, but it was hard. So hard. And he was tired. So tired.  
He knew that he was still breathing, still alive, but Steve couldn’t answer, couldn’t react, couldn’t do anything.

The other Avengers appeared on Steve’s mind and suddenly he was uncertain. They all looked so sad, so broken, so hurt and Steve was wondering whether they looked like this because he was dead, because he was dying.  
Their image made it hard for Steve to accept death, but then he was only able to see Bucky again once he was dead, right? Didn’t he have the right to be selfish for just one time?

Again, the voice called his name and again Steve was reminded of Bucky.

__“Steve, you fucking punk. Open your eyes. Please. Open your goddamn fucking eyes, Stevie! Goddammit! I need you, Stevie. You hear me? I need you. I need you so much, Stevie. Don’t leave me alone in this fucking world I don’t know a single thing about. Please, Stevie. Please. Open your eyes. PLEASE!”_ _

The voice sounded so much like Bucky, so much like the love of his life and Steve wanted to know. Wanted to know, who it was. Wanted to know, who sounded so much like his best friend.

And Steve forced himself to open his eyes; to not greet death like a friend right now, but to give himself some more minutes, some more minutes with this person, who sounded so much like Bucky.

It took him a few tries, but when Steve opened his eyes and could see again, he stopped breathing, because this just couldn’t be real. There was no way that this man above him was Bucky.

“B-Bucky?” Steve whispered and the person pulled him closer.  
“Yes, Stevie. It’s me. It’s me”, Bucky said and Steve tried to understand, tried to comprehend what was going on.  
“Y-You’re…”, he started, but Bucky cut him off.  
“I’m alive. I’m alive, Stevie. I didn’t die that day. I’m alive. So don’t leave me. Don’t leave me, punk. I need you. I need you so much, Stevie.”

The words barely reached Steve but when they did, realization hit him. Bucky was alive. Bucky wasn’t dead. Bucky was here, with him. Bucky was alive.

And suddenly, death didn’t seem so great anymore. He didn’t want to leave Bucky! Not after he finally got to see him again. No, he didn’t want to die anymore. He wanted to live. For Bucky and for him. For them.  
Steve coughed, trying to breathe, but it was hard. So hard. He could feel life slipping away from him and his eyes watered up. No. He didn’t want to die. He wanted to live. He wanted to stay here with Bucky and the other Avengers. He didn’t want to leave them. He wanted to live.  
And Steve realized: There’s more to death than just dying. Death is remembering; death is realizing. You cannot great death like an old friend because death is hard. Dying is easy, but death is hard.  
And Steve realized that all this time he was just thinking about dying. Never about death, only about dying. And dying was so easy. It was the easiest thing on the whole wide world. But death was so hard. He remembered and he realized. Death was so hard. Dying was easy, but death wasn’t. And Steve was certain that he couldn’t greet death like an old friend anymore. Death was his enemy. He didn’t want to die, he wanted to live.

Steve could feel Bucky hugging him tightly, not letting him go.  
“I won’t let ya go, punk. I won’t let ya leave me, Stevie”, he whispered and tears escaped Steve’s eyes, running down his cheeks. How much he wanted to stay, how much he wanted to live.

And although Steve tried to keep his eyes open, tried to stay awake, his eyes finally closed and everything went black.

_x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x_

_››…that I love you?_  
_Could I tell you once again somehow?_  
_Have I told with all my heart and soul how I adore you?_  
_Well darlin’ I’m tellin’ you now…‹‹_

The soft tune and the lyrics were familiar to Steve; he must have heard the song more than a hundred times. It used to be popular in the dancing halls back at his time. He really liked the song, though he had never told anyone. Maybe Bucky had known.

Bucky…

Thinking about Bucky Steve felt the softness of the bed underneath him, heard a soft beeping in the back, more silent than the music, barely audible. And he felt someone holding his hand tightly as if the person was worrying someone could come and abduct Steve.

Surprised about that, Steve tried to open his eyes. His eyes flattered open a few times and he had to blink some more to see clearly again, but when he did, he was surprised to see that he was lying in a hospital bed. To his left was a big window, the sun shining in. On a table next to the window stood a record player, playing the music he was so familiar with.

Again feeling the other hand holding his, Steve looked to the right and was faced with Bucky, sitting in a not very comfortable looking chair, holding his hand.  
Steve’s heart skipped a beat. Was… this reality? Was he still alive and Bucky was here with him? Or was this some dream?

“B-Bucky?”

Steve’s voice was barely a whisper, even he barely heard it. But Bucky seemed to have waited only for it, because within seconds his eyes flew open and he looked at Steve.

“Steve!” he shouted and he looked at his best friend with so much relief it hurt Steve.  
“Where am I?” Steve whispered and Bucky smiled.  
“Hospital. Brought ya here just in time”, Bucky said and the thumb of the hand holding Steve’s stroked the back of Steve’s hand lovingly and softly.  
“I thought I lost ya, Stevie. I really though I lost ya”, Bucky whispered and Steve swallowed.

Minutes passes without anyone saying a word, Bucky only stroking Steve’s hand, until Steve whispered: “You’re alive, Buck.”  
Bucky looked up and he nodded, his eyes watering up.  
“I don’t know what happened, but when I woke up I was here, without ya and didn’t remember a thing until I saw ya on TV”, he replied and Steve nodded slightly, every inch of his body hurting.  
“I’m so glad to have ya back, Stevie. So glad”, Bucky whispered and Steve looked at him and tried to smile.  
“So am I, Buck, so am I”, he whispered and Bucky brought the chair closer to Steve’s bed.

“How are ya feelin’?” he asked and Steve smiled.  
“Like I just died and came back to life”, he answered honestly and Bucky laughed, although Steve could hear that he was on the edge of crying out of relief.  
“I’m so glad to see you again, Buck”, he added and Bucky squeezed Steve’s hand.  
“Glad to see ya, too, punk”, he said and a tear was running down his cheek.  
“Glad to see ya, Stevie.”

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It took Steve two long weeks until he was finally allowed to leave the hospital. All the time he had spent in the hospital Bucky had left his side only for a few times – changing clothes, getting something to eat or showering. Steve was happy to have Bucky back again and Bucky was happy to have Steve again. The other Avengers visited frequently (Natasha had been really angry that he hadn’t looked for marksmen, but Steve could see that she was glad that he was still alive) and when Steve could finally leave, they waited at the exit for him and Bucky.

Steve looked one last time around and when he turned to Bucky, his friend smiled at him.  
“Ya’re ready?” he asked and Steve nodded, still taken aback by how beautiful Bucky’s eyes were. Of course, he had seen those eyes nearly 24/7 the last two weeks, but it had been some long 70 years since he had last seen them and he had forgotten what a great impact Bucky and his eyes and his smile had on him.

Bucky picked up Steve’s bag and after they had left the room, he put an arm around him, although it proved rather difficult as Steve was a few centimeters taller than him now. He still managed it somehow.

“What do ya want for dinner, punk?” Bucky asked and Steve smiled, looking at his friend.  
“Whatever works for everyone. I don’t mind”, he replied and Bucky laughed. Steve enjoyed Bucky’s laugh. It had been over 70 years in which he hadn’t heard that laugh that it was music to his ears hearing it again. In fact, Steve enjoyed Bucky’s company a lot. He loved having his best friend around again and he loved seeing Bucky. He loved having Bucky back. He had missed him so much; he couldn’t describe how thankful he was to have him back again.

They were already in the entrance hall, when Bucky suddenly stopped. Steve looked at him.  
“What’s wrong, Buck?” he asked but Bucky shook his head.  
“Listen, Stevie. There’s something I need to tell ya”, he said and Steve raised an eyebrow slightly, before nodding.  
“Sure. Go ahead.”

For a few seconds Bucky said nothing, before he looked at Steve.  
“Ya see… I always wanted to tell ya somethin’. Since… I don’t know, punk, since… since I dated Sarah I-don’t-remember-her-last-name.”  
Steve laughed shortly.  
“Midfield, Buck. Her name was Midfield”, he said and Bucky rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah. Whatever. Thing is, I like ya, Stevie. I really do.”  
A blush had appeared on Bucky’s cheeks and Steve stood there silent, taken aback by the words of his best friends.  
“I mean, I’m pretty damn sure ya don’t feel the same way, but I thought I should’ve let ya know. ‘Cuz I really couldn’t live without ya, punk. I really couldn’t.”  
Bucky looked at Steve and for a second Steve was speechless, before he took a step towards Bucky.

“Buck.”  
“Yeah?”  
A smile appeared on Steve’s lips and he whispered: “I love you, Bucky. I do. I love you so much. I swear, seeing you falling from that train ripped my heart out of my chest. I swear, I tried so much to get that image out of my head but I just couldn’t. And even after I spent more than 70 years in the ice I still loved you and I still do and oh my god, I love you, iloveyou, iloveyou.”  
Steve’s face was beet-red by the time he had finished and he looked down at the ground, embarrassed about what he just had said.

Had he really just confessed his love to Bucky?

For a few seconds no one of them said a word, before Bucky placed his hands on Steve’s face.  
“Stevie. Look at me.”  
Steve swallowed and he looked up at Bucky.  
“Fuckin’ punk. I love ya, too”, Bucky whispered and before Steve could say anything Bucky had kissed Steve.

It was a soft kiss, careful and tender; as if Bucky was afraid he could break Steve. At first Steve didn’t know what to do, all he could feel was fireworks exploding in his stomach and how much he loved Bucky. Finally, he leaned into the kiss, kissing Bucky back with all the feelings he had for him – feelings he had held back for more than 70 years.

When they finally parted, Steve’s cheeks were even redder and Bucky looked at him with love and whispered: “I wanted to do that for a long fucking time, punk.”  
Steve chuckled, before he replied: “Then… what took you so long, jerk?”

Bucky laughed, before he looked at Steve.  
“Yeah. What took me so long?”

And with that he kissed Steve again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for any mistakes or weird sentences.  
> I'm not a native speaker, but whatever.  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
